Nigerian Adventures.

I promised you an exciting newsletter after our Easter trip to visit friends in Lagos, Nigeria. I trust you have all been waiting in anticipation for this one…so sit back, relax, and enjoy the very bumpy ride.

Nigeria is approximately twice the size of California; it has approximately 135 million people and is one of the most populous countries in Africa. It is bordered by Niger, Cameroon and the Gulf of Guinea and Republic of Benin. It is a member of the West African Economic Union called Ecowas. The capital city is Abuja, but the financial capital is Lagos. The climate in Lagos is tropical and hot all year round with temperatures ranging from 30 to 38 degrees and there are only two seasons, wet and dry and the humidity levels are remarkably high. In Lagos alone it is estimated that the population is 14 million. The economy is largely petroleum based. It was under military rule for sixteen years until 1999 when there was a relatively peaceful transformation to Civilian rule. The current president is Abasanjo and the political system is largely based on the Federal system. There are many tribes but three predominant tribes namely the Yoruba, Hausa, and Igbo. The country is divided into Muslim 50% and Christianity 40%. Lagosians pride themselves on being progressive and largely cosmopolitan. The expat community in Lagos is large with South Africans being one of the largest communities, mainly representing companies like MTN, V-Mobile, Di-Data and KPMG. Tourism is largely non-existent and the only appeal would be for business purposes or to visit a loved one, and if you have a keen sense of adventure to experience a truly West African jaw-dropping experience – this is where the Kerslake’s come in.

After rescuing Christopher from Morgan’s grip, while she tried to strangle him in sheer frustration at not being able to fit all her Barbie’s in his backpack…. the adventure began. Two weeks ago, we ordered an enormous batman cake for Christopher’s birthday. This was done long before we knew we would be going to Nigeria, and my good old memory failed to kick in and I forgot to phone and cancel the cake. Okay….at this point you must realize what these poor, slow, antiquated people had to go through to source a batman cake! So, I announce to Victer the predicament with the cake that cannot now be cancelled…….and the brain damaged parents decided to cart the cake to Nigeria on Daddy’s lap! So between the giant cake, the melting chocolate eggs, the birthday presents squashed in the baggage compartment and two killing machine kids that would like nothing better than to see the other sibling’s blood splattered on the tarmac……Nigeria here we come with exhausted, non amused parents in tow.

We were met at the Lagos airport by two of Victer’s chaps from work who escorted us on a golf cart to passport control (you can imagine we got quite excited……being met at the door with a golf cart…things are looking up, but wait). The kids were particularly impressed. Once at passport control things started to go down hill. This is a very lengthy process, one which a five and an almost seven-year-old refuse to find acceptable. I had to muster great strength and control to subdue the incredible urge to throw them on the baggage turn style and walk away as if I never ever had kids, hoping some other poor bastard would claim them. Finally, we landed up hot and sticky once again (what is it with this heat story in West Africa?) on the long journey to Leki Estate, where our friends reside. In order to do this, we have to travel over Third Mainland Bridge (the longest bridge in Africa) at night in traffic that would cause the average South African to commit road rage murder. The trip from the airport to our final destination took about an hour and a half. Halfway through this horrendous journey, Christopher, who was bundled in the back with the luggage and had been noticeably quiet up until now, announced to the driver, “Excuse me… Excuse me…I think you are lost!”

On our arrival, we were welcomed by two overly excited little boys who could not wait to show Chris and Morgie their make-shift Spider-man beds with nets in their rooms. This of course was the best thing the kids had seen in ages, and from this point on we hardly saw them. For the next four days they seemed to disappear into this fantastic place called “Kids World”, a world every parent would invest millions in just for a moment’s blissful peace. This is when Victer and myself went into relaxed mode and I must admit we were spoilt rotten by our friends Nathalie and Shane. Their home is so full of love and we had settled and made ourselves at home in the first two seconds. If you kept the curtains shut and stayed inside, tried your very best to forget about the generator puffing out black smoke in it’s effort to power the multitude of air conditioners in their home, then you could almost believe you were home……step outside and you realize very quickly you were dreaming a very hopeless dream indeed. To put it simply, Nigeria is busy, filthy dirty, way over-populated, poverty-stricken, and just plain ugly to look at. Somehow in the middle of all that, you seem to get caught up in the excitement of constant business possibility, traffic jams, noise, bartering, corruption, and side-splitting unbelievable sights, only to be witnessed in Africa. Besides vehicles and 4x4’s clinging onto dear life or they will be dumped and left on the side of the road (seriously, the pavements are full of rusted old broken down smashed vehicles that millions of kids run in and out of), their main form of transport is the “Okaada”. This is a scooter. This scooter miraculously manages to transport sometimes up to five people balancing on top of it. Occasionally you can even add a pig or a goat to those five people, and do not be surprised if an upside-down office stool with wheels blowing in the wind is tossed on top just for luck. Not joking folks, this is for real. Victer tells me that on one of his business trips here, he literally saw a man horizontally tied to a fridge on the back of the Okaada! Everywhere you look are signs that read in big red letters “Do not urinate here, do not defecate here, do not litter – Keep Lagos Clean!” This is a laugh a minute, because as you are reading the sign, inevitably someone, if not many, are doing just that right under it.

Our first night in Nigeria was spent catching up and comparing notes (and wading through the garden full of hundreds and hundreds of lizards) …we laughed until our stomachs hurt (cried now and then too). The next day was a real treat. Lagos has just opened their doors to a first time ever in West Africa, Checkers Shoprite, and Game. Victer and I went nuts…. the trolley overflowed with Mrs. Balls Peach Chutney, Oros, Cal’s Heat magazine to name but a few. Memories of Home Sweet Home. At Game we bought a trampoline for the kids, we are still determined to get them outside and exercising, and this way we think maybe they will be having so much fun jumping they will forget the heat…once again I will keep you posted on our success, or not.

The second evening was spent at an amazing Italian restaurant where good food, excellent wine and brilliant company flowed. Nat treated me to a Day Spa while Victer went into the Lagos office. The next couple of days are a blur of prawn braai's, Thai restaurants, a Cocktail Lounge nightclub, where we danced until we dropped and then the highlight was a forty-minute boat trip to a beach just outside Lagos. You would not believe that such a rustic paradise exists in amongst the squalor. We lay on deckchairs under the coconut trees while the children swam in the sea. The heat pressed unbearable weight on our lungs with each breathe we took, but somehow this was bearable when you surveyed the surroundings. It was like being on our own paradise island. The day was spent with many expats from all around the world and the good wine and conversation flowed once again.

Christopher had a fantastic birthday; the batman cake was surprisingly tasty and enjoyed by all. The squealing excitement it brought to the kids was worth the uncomfortable airplane trip. I have saved the best till last my friends…. just to prove how corrupt Nigeria and Ghana are, myself and the kids got back into Ghana without a visa and just a hundred-dollar bribe.

The kids have returned to school today, so Mom is starting to show a glimmer of a smile again. After our adventurous trip we feel able to tackle the slow-moving work front again with enough energy and passion for possibly another week.

Lots and lots of hugs and kisses to you all. Still missing and loving you stax.